Coping with the overwhelm of early motherhood

The unknown is a scary place, and as a first-time mum, you’re front and center in a world you’ve never navigated before. No matter how many books you read or how many people you talk to, nothing truly prepares you for the reality of motherhood. I wish someone had told me the ugly truth; that motherhood isn’t always magical and, in the early days, it might not even feel rewarding.

When my baby was born, I was completely overwhelmed by the realisation that I was responsible for a teeny tiny human. That feeling was so consuming and unexpected, it knocked me off balance. I remember saying to my husband,

Looking back now, I feel sad for the version of myself who thought that way, but I also understand her. No one had warned me how difficult it would be, and I felt like I was failing in all aspects.

My labour was tough and traumatic, and it left me feeling disconnected from my body and my baby. The bond I expected to feel immediately just wasn’t there, and I felt so much guilt because of it. It was nothing like how it looks on TV. I wish someone had told me it’s okay not to feel like you’ve bonded with your baby right away. It’s okay to have moments where you dislike certain aspects of motherhood. That doesn’t make you a bad mum; it makes you human.

The first two weeks after my baby was born were a blur. My husband only had two weeks of paternity leave, and half of that time was spent in the hospital recovering from giving birth. When we finally brought the baby home, we tried our best to create some kind of routine, but nothing felt normal and it just wasn’t enough time. I wasn’t ready for him to go back to work. When he left, I cried every single day. I remember on the second day calling my mum and asking her to come stay with me because I felt like I couldn’t do it on my own.

Looking back now, I realise how much of this experience I kept bottled up. I didn’t share how I was really feeling with anyone, partly because I didn’t have the words and partly because I thought I wasn’t supposed to feel that way. It wasn’t until my baby was around six months old that I started to enjoy motherhood. By then, I was already slowly preparing for my return to work, which is a whole other story in itself.

If you’re reading this and you’re in the thick of those early days, know this: it’s okay to feel overwhelmed. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to cry and to feel like you’re not doing it perfectly. Motherhood is messy and raw, and it’s full of emotions we’re not always prepared for. You’re not alone, and those feelings don’t define you as a mother—they’re simply part of the journey.

For me, writing about this now feels like lifting a weight off my chest. I hope this newsletter can be that space for you too—a place where we can share the parts of motherhood that often go unspoken. If there’s a specific topic you’d like me to explore or a question you’ve been wrestling with, let me know. This is our space, and I want to hear from you.

You’re doing better than you think. One step at a time.

A Few Practical Tips for the Overwhelming Days

1. Ask for Help: Don’t be afraid to lean on your support system. Whether it’s a friend, family member, or your partner, sharing the load can make a huge difference.

2. Take Micro Breaks: Even 5 minutes of deep breathing, stepping outside, or sipping tea can help you reset.

3. Don’t Compare: Every baby and mum are different. Resist the urge to compare yourself to what you see online or hear from others.

4. Speak to Someone: If you’re feeling persistently low, reach out to your GP or a mental health professional. Postnatal depression is more common than people realise, and help is available.

Resources That May Help

• PANDAS Foundation (UK): Support for parents struggling with perinatal mental health. Helpline: 0808 1961 776

• The Motherhood Center (US): Specialising in support and mental health for new mums.

• Postpartum Support International: Provides support and resources for postpartum depression globally.

• Peanut App: Connect with other mums for advice and community.

If this resonates with you, let me know! You’re not alone in this, and together, we can navigate these early days.

All my love,

N x